I just need to take a moment here to acknowledge that my 8-year-old niece posted her first comment on my blog. I am so proud and misty-eyed and befuddled and thrilled. Kids these days. How very sweet. Hi, sweet girl! I love you, too, and I will see you very soon. Happy Easter to you, too! Wow. Yay!
I'm here writing as I'm waiting for my husband to come home. He is in extreme work crunch right now. He's back freelancing at WB and they are overwhelmed with work. He's been working six to seven days a week, at home at on site. Cah-razy. It's 11:30 and he's not even remotely finished. I'm taking him to Yosemite next week. They can't stop me.
Today I had my first audition for a real, legit TV pilot for FX Network. I did alright. As a very kind insider told me, "You weren't brilliant today, but you were solid." Seriously, that is the most I could possibly wish for my first time out. The copy was really hard and I was having a hard time finding my way into it. I didn't get there. But the amazing, amazing part of it was I wasn't nervous.
Seriously, not a twinge in my stomach. That is unusual. I think because I knew the stakes were low. As my insider told me, I wouldn't be cast (for various very right reasons), so I might as well just be calm. And I was.
This is the key step for me in becoming a better auditioner. These little steps, you must understand, they have taken me ice ages to figure out. Some friends of mine have had meteoric rises to success, but for most of the rest of us, this is a slow, slow chipping away at ourselves and our place in the industry. I'm finally taking myself seriously, not only as an actor but also as a business entity.
I went home and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned our home and then became afraid of the dark night alone and then decided to sit with that fear instead of distracting myself with TV or movies or books. I'm not often alone, I realize. I, the solitary one. The introvert. Silence with David is very calm, and asks nothing. Still, it is not true aloneness. When I sat with the dark, a song came to me. Dead dreams, deep woods, hunters, and cutting out the heart of the pale, pale princess.
I feel like I'm moving out into darker, deeper parts of my ocean. Thar be monsters ahead, but they are mine own. There are precious rubies in their bellies, if only I have the nerve to cut them open.
I am really proud of you. No matter what course in life you take there are obstacles to overcome - mostly within ourselves. Once you realize that is your biggest struggle, then you can start overcoming the monsters and finding your own strength from within. Every journey is a challenge, and once you can embrace the challenge that's where the joy begins. That's all that a parent could ever want for their children - realizing, accepting, and conquering those obstacles in your Journey. No matter what they are or how many you seem to face, just remember the greater the obstacles, the higher the mountain you have to climb, but what a view once you conquer it!! Hugs. Prairie Momma | Homepage | 03.24.07 - 4:52 pm | #
Thank you so much, Cathy. You are wonderful. a | Homepage | 03.26.07 - 4:27 pm | #
Amazing metaphor. I love you so much! Don't be afraid of the sea monsters... last year we saw how they were made with the computers, remember? :D ashley | 03.27.07 - 10:08 am | #
It's not as easy as everyone thinks it is. All those people sitting home watching TV think it is so easy - and that includes actors sometimes too! I am proud of you! Planting seeds! xixi | Homepage | 04.02.07 - 3:33 pm | #