There is a constant re-negotiating, in my subconscious, for mom's soul. I dream an endless cycle of re-animation, in which she can come back but only on certain terms, certain conditions. If she does come back to life, I am suspicious, but selfishly delighted. Like last night, she was back, but I knew there was a catch. I found out she had to give up something of her eternal soul just to be there for a night of ballet. She's in varying states of decay when I see her. It's never happy and healthy and true communication. It is the dead brought back to life: rotting flesh, corpse-like, or still sick with the illness that brought her down. I know there is a price, and last night was the first time I thought it wasn't worth it for her to pay it. In the past, even if her limbs were falling off, in my dream I would say, "but at least she's here!" Last night, I finally was able to say, "whatever you're losing is not worth the cost of coming back."
...and then she disappeared.
That, my friend, is all very natural and good and elemental and mysterious at the same time. tifanie | 10.02.06 - 11:23 pm | #
And yes, my love. -p Pammikins | 10.12.06 - 9:03 pm | #