I think the nicest thing about the scholarship interviews was realizing that I'm on the other side of the bridge now, with a better view of what seems to be a great potential in a young person. I saw two contrasting personalities: one who was extremely accomplished in academics and extracurriculars but with very little interest in social justice or anything outside of himself; and one whose accomplishments were more internal and emotional, with an innate sense of compassion and respect for life. Interestingly, the two were "best friends." The latter just said the right things. I was so excited to be clear in knowing that it's really the Nerds who will inherit the Earth. It's these shy, kind, bizarre kids that end up being the truly interesting ones. I'm happy to say I feel we're investing in someone who has a gentle and kind soul, and who fits the profile, as my aunt said, of "someone who would have hung out in your mom's classroom during lunch." I hope that some spark of her goes with him.
I'm doing well. Something has shifted. It's ok that Mother's Day is coming up. It's ok that the one year anniversary is coming up. It's ok that I haven't been feeling well. It's just fine. I'm feeling the pull of life, and I have to dance.
We never did get in to that David Sedaris reading, and it wasn't for lack of trying. People got vicious in the waiting line, almost comically so. Consolation prize was seeing Hitchhiker's movie, which was awesome (I'd finished the books only moments before--late on this boat but loving it). We did some very nice things this weekend to celebrate May Day (and some very nerdy things), and I'm feeling sort of wild from a weekend in the sun and bonfires and flowers in my hair. I'm planting seeds in my heart. I didn't want to. Indeed, I wanted to hide from April and May and maybe come out in late summer like some hibernating bear who forgot to wake for Spring. The tug is too strong, though. I've got to let the sacrifice mean something. I have to believe in what she wanted for me. I've got to live, and I've got to do it now.