Well, how can I say anything really concrete when someone has said it and done it for me, and better?

My Dad is here, so we've been going all over town. We've been to the beach in Malibu and spent time staring into crystal clear tide pools filled with squishy anemones and starfish and crabs and mussels on the rocks. It was a spiritual experience, feeling the earth and remembering once again that it moves on whether the price of oil is up or not. My Dad was interested in the Joseph Campbell DVDs we have, so we've been re-watching The Power of Myth and just being inspired.

Gabe was here, too, and he showed us home movies of Japan. He's going back next month. Something in me wonders if he'll return.

Yesterday we spent Easter at the home of one of my Mom's dear friends in Orange County. It was the first time I'd been their house for a holiday without Mom. It was strange. There is a muddled silence in my heart. Sometimes it's too exhausting to be emotional, so I sit outside myself watching the situation thinking, "Mom would have brought Buffet's chocolate crosses." "There's no seat for Mom." "No one is mentioning her." "Mom would have feigned shock when I said that." RING RING, it's Aunt Maria, saying she'd brought fresh daffodils and Easter things to her grave. "I know you know," we transmit to each other. Soon it'll be her birthday, and somehow a reliving of last year. Then there will be another death, another funeral, and another rebirth. What comes after year one?

And tomorrow morning, David's Mom has her surgery. Must we always be torn apart to be reborn?

1 Comments:

! i was really hoping i wasn't going to offend anyone...
ashleyface | 03.28.05 - 11:10 pm | #

I thought what Ashley wrote was beautiful. She continues to inspire me to be a teacher. My dad and I went with my mom as she decorated the tomb. The beautiful part was the matching flowers of Nanna's across the way. It was kind of surreal being Easter. And just 7 days until her birthday. I'm actually on my way to a funeral for a teacher at our school. This all seems too much sometimes. I am reminded by your mom to not fear....
Gabriella | 03.29.05 - 6:58 am | #

by the way....we did have the Buffet Popcorn bunnies I'll save some for you
Gabriella | 03.29.05 - 7:00 am | #

Gabriella: you are wonderful. Thank you! It's because of people like you and Mrs. Rowe that kids like me learn more from school than just the scholastic information we're there to receive. (heart heart)
ashleyface | 03.29.05 - 2:27 pm | #

Ashley. I dunno you but what you wrote was Gorgeous. Camilla is proud of you, I am certain of it.
Adi, yes, apparently we must be torn apart. Again and again and again.
I hope the pieces mend together stronger than before.
Thinking of you...
tifanie | 03.29.05 - 10:23 pm | #

By Blogger adriana, at Saturday, October 06, 2007 8:54:00 PM  

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Monday, March 28, 2005 : 3:52 PM     1 Comments  




 

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