Yes, you are all right. And we've known it, which is why no doggy for the last three years. I said to myself when going home last night, "if I happen to see the new manager, it will be a sign, and I will just ask." Well, the elevator doors open and who should be standing right there but manager lady. I asked her, and she said YES, no deposit or anything. So we will meet Rosie tomorrow and just see how it goes. If she is the One, we will know. And Mike, you are right on all counts, and thank you for the concern.

I went to the bereavement group last night and it was nothing like I expected. Somehow I thought I'd be in a big room with 50 people and I could just sit and listen. Instead it was a small conference room inside a hospital in their chemo unit. The second I walked in, the smell sent my body into anxiety attack. I don't know how my Aunt does it, working in the same cancer center where my Mom was treated, and seeing the nurses and doctors who couldn't save her.

I think there were 11 people in all in this little room. Everyone sat in eerie silence until the moderator began the meeting. Then the floods were loosed. Most were there because they had lost their spouses. Many said that they held it all in until they could get to meeting, that they "had to be strong for the kids." Such a strange, beautiful kinship: complete strangers coming together with only loss in common. One girl raged at Hillary Duff for having the nerve to make another movie after her niece, Hillary's biggest fan, had died. There was the inevitable Overtalker who dominated the conversation with inanity (they truly are in every group situation, aren't they? How do they find us?) The women still wore their wedding rings, even if it had been two years since their husbands died. The worst was the young girl whose fiancee had just died in a car accident. She is still finding notes and cards from him tucked in unlikely places. Apparently he was a big romantic and did things like that all the time.

I was crying like a fool, but not for myself, and I think that's rather the point. Still, I'm not sure that this is the way to go for me. I found myself counseling other people, taking on that role that I've taken on since middle school: everyone's free psychologist. There's got to be a better way! Calgon! I think I'll keep going, though, since I got a lot of lyric ideas while I was sitting there listening. And that's what it's all about, right? Mining other people's pain for art?

1 Comments:

You're not mining other people's pain for art. You're validating their feelings for the betterment of everyone who hears what you make from it. It's not exploitation, it's transcendence.
Maielloclypse the Younger | 08.06.04 - 7:16 pm | #

Again, Mike is right.
tifanie | 08.06.04 - 7:28 pm | #

that's why i post all of my bullshit: to see how mike's going to kick my ass.
a | Homepage | 08.06.04 - 8:06 pm | #

Hurts so good, doesn't it?
tifanie | 08.06.04 - 11:23 pm | #

I will help that lady strange Hillary Duff. I hate her so much. I wore pink converse high tops to my prom first, biatch.
ashleyface | 08.07.04 - 8:41 pm | #

*strangle
ashleyface | 08.07.04 - 8:57 pm | #

I have to admit I rather favor mining *other* peoples' pain for art over my own. It hurts less.

*hugs*, babe.

You know what you're doing. Trust that.
Pammikins | 08.09.04 - 9:20 am | #

While your mining you may find yourself staring back at you now and then. One of the nicest things we do for eachother is use eachother.
amani | 08.10.04 - 12:09 pm | #

By Blogger adriana, at Wednesday, October 03, 2007 10:02:00 PM  

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Friday, August 06, 2004 : 10:01 AM     1 Comments  




 

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