When I was working for the Jonathan Larson estate, I'd listen to this show that Jonathan wrote called 30/90. Well, it was also called Boho Days and finally gained a theatrical life as Tick Tick Boom, but that's beside the point. What was the point? Right. The show was about Jonathan turning 30 in 1990. It's all this artistic angst about turning 30 and not having your life together and not knowing if art was more important than a comfortable life (read: financial security and babies). It was about getting to the point where you have to decide whether the path to Normal would ever be enticing again, or whether it was time to just accept that you will always live in the “lovely, dark and deep” part of the woods.

At the time I remember thinking, “Wow…30. Oof. That’s a long way off. By that age I’ll certainly be a lot better off than he was. I’ll be acting or singing for a living by then, surely.” Surely not! In two weeks, I turn 30. *cough* It seems absolutely unreal. I’m not having a major crisis but I can certainly feel that with the death of my mom and everything else that’s happened this year, I am closing the book on first third of my life. I can’t turn back, and I certainly can’t live a Normal life. Not now. I have promises to keep, too, but they're in the twisted gnarls of wood down an unpredictable, bending path. Bring it on.

I made a vow
but I wonder now
Am I cut out to spend my time this way?

With only so much time to spend
Don't wanna waste the time I'm given
Have it all, play the game
Some recommend
I'm afraid, it just may be time to give in

I'm twenty-nine, Michael and I
Live on the west side of SoHo, NY
Nine A.M. I write a lyric or two
Mike sings his song now on Mad Avenue
I sing, "come to your senses
Defenses are not the way to go"
Over and over and over
Till I get it right

When I emerge from B Minor or A
Five o'clock, diner calls, I'm on my way

I think,
Hey, what a way to spend a day
Hey, what a way to spend a day

I make a vow
Right here and now

I'm gonna spend my time this way
I'm gonna spend my time this way


-J. Larson, from “Why”

1 Comments:

all i can tell you now that i am on the other side of 30 is Tell The Truth. What is your true bottom line?
amani | 08.24.04 - 12:57 pm | #

30 was 3 years ago for me and it seems inconsequential now. You'll do fine. You're one of those that's awake. That's the main requirement.

Amani is right.....find out what the bottom line is and do that. That's what I've decided in the last 3 or 4 weeks. I'm about to take on the biggest challenge of my life very shortly and I'm happier than I've ever been, bar none.

Well said, Amani.
William F. House | Homepage | 08.24.04 - 2:32 pm | #

What is a normal life? Mine looks normal from the outside, but I certainly wouldn't classify it as such from in here.
Lisa | 08.24.04 - 5:03 pm | #

To quote Peter Griffin, "Holy Crap."

Lady, that's exactly where I am and have been for the last month. My period of silly self-analysis has a limit; I will only be allowed another couple of days.

I wish we could have coffee and reassure one another on this score; 'cause I'm making a living singing and acting but I still envy many things you're able to do.

The grass is always something.

But the first third of your life? At times I might think that's either a really pessimistic or a quite optimistic assessment. However, you're a trained actor, dearie - you know better than to play the end.
don | Homepage | 08.24.04 - 7:10 pm | #

who wants a 'normal life'? where's the fun in that?

my big three-oh is a little less than 4 months away. i'm not having too big a freak out, though i'm feeling the compulsion leave the country to celebrate. (wonder what that's about.) let me know how the other side of 30 looks, would ya?

oh, yeah... and check those kenneth cole boots off your list... i've got *jingle jingle jingle* $.38 in my wallet. that'll cover them, right?
byronicwoman | Homepage | 08.24.04 - 9:40 pm | #

Yeah, besides... you still click the 28-34 on most advertising surveys, just like before. So, you're still a target demo! And, what's all this fretting about? How about Happy Birthday, instead? Yes, I think that's right. Happy Birthday! We're all lucky to have spent 30 years around ya. We want more!
Maielloclypse the Younger | 08.25.04 - 7:47 am | #

i love you all.

and no, there is no such thing as Normal, not really.

and don, i guess by first third i meant my first Saturn return. i don't begin to presume i'll have two more. and i do wish so much that we could run amok sometime. sometime...

i fully agree with the telling the truth thing and find it to be absolutely essential.

bottom line for me is love and music. love and music.
a | Homepage | 08.25.04 - 9:37 am | #

Well there you have it.
amani | 08.25.04 - 4:58 pm | #

Yeah....there you have it. Someone that is so passionate should find avenues to share that. *cough*teach*cough
William F. House | Homepage | 08.25.04 - 7:56 pm | #

I am so glad that one of my favorite people has turned 30! These are the years when we start to question things and figure things out and see who's important and where our life is headed. Good times and tough times, but I'm here to say...."the 30's rock"
I love you and think of you daily

beth lulu
Beth Lulu | 09.10.04 - 11:29 am | #

By Blogger adriana, at Wednesday, October 03, 2007 9:48:00 PM  

Post a Comment

Tuesday, August 24, 2004 : 11:34 AM     1 Comments  




 

Subscribe to
Posts [Atom]

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?