I had a very inspiring talk with my aunt the other night. We are kind of like two war survivors, swapping stories from our time in battle. There is a bit of nostalgia, a bit of relief, and a bit of post-traumatic stress. Overall, though, there is an underlying sense of calm because of something she helped me realize: my mom really gave us a gift in the way that she died. We had to go through that process with her so that we could learn this lesson. Mom went from clinging desperately to life to a graceful acquiescence. She admonished through her suffering to not be afraid, and to not be mad at God. Then, in the final moments, she left with a smile on her face. I guess I'm trying to let myself understand that I don't need to be in despair because it's not how she saw it, and not how she wants it.

This doesn't begin to approximate or explain what I'm trying to say. How frustrating.

Someone who has had many near-death experiences came to my aunt last week and told her that she could see my mom and grandmother standing near her. They were filled with light and beauty, and they thank my aunt for "making the transition easier" for them. I hope and pray that this is true. It was the first...news...from the other side that I've had.

Oh, and Shawn asked about Before Sunset and other films. I'd like to take discussions like that over to the Endless forum, if possible. I want to get some good discussions going there where there's more room to really talk. If you all stop commenting here, though, I shall wither in despair. So you see the bind I'm in. I want it all.


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Thursday, July 08, 2004 : 1:52 PM     0 Comments  


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