Tonight I let my love, my life, get on a plane and fly away from me. Again.

He flies in each weekend, late Friday night. The airport is half-closed. There are no flights departing, all the shops are shuttered, and the spirits of a million journeys haunt the silent space. I wear his coat, which when I got here was still needed. Now it serves as my corderoy camouflage, a hood under which to hide all the whirling emotions and uncombed hair. I watch the stragglers from other late flights, clearly marking the territories from which they came: collegened lips from LA, bagged eyes and sequins from Vegas, black coats and briefcases from New York. Every child seems to be enchanted by an ugly rocking horse made of fabric from a gaudy Navajo rug that sits locked away in the gift shop window. I still don't understand New Mexico.

I see him from a long way down the corridor. His gait is smooth but his shoulders are bowed under the weight of his backpack. There is the moment where the crowd parts, and our eyes meet. Every time I see him like this, it is cinematic. He hides his exhaustion in a warm smile, because he has come home to me. Home is in each other, with each other. He is sweater and glasses and hands and lips, and I am alive again.

I feel terrible that I am making him do this, just to get a fix. He is my Ativan, and I need him to survive this time of trial. I admit my addiction. I will not surrender it. So I will wait for each Friday night, and dread each Sunday night, until the ordeal is over.


Dear A,

Love and strength be with you.


Mimi | 05.05.04 - 5:33 am | #

Isn't it comforting to have a rock to lean on in difficult times?

Making him do this? I'm quite sure he also needs his fix. I have been the one left at home and home just isn't home without the love of your life.

My continued prayers for comfort and strength...
Lisa | 05.05.04 - 8:11 am | #

That is perhaps one of the most romantic real-life things I've ever heard, lady.

It's the bitter that makes the sweet sweeter.

Much love to you and yours, with ongoing prayers and best wishes.
don | Homepage | 05.05.04 - 8:31 pm | #

thank god for you and david, thank god for your union.
Shawn | Homepage | 05.09.04 - 5:02 am | #

By Blogger adriana, at Wednesday, October 03, 2007 8:26:00 PM  

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