I am jumping up and down happy because my dear friend Shawn Jackson just got cast as the lead in a film. It was his very first audition for a film role ever and he nabbed the lead. He will be playing Death, which is just wonderful. If I ever died, I wouldn't mind finding his eyes laughing on the other side. I want to skip and jump and throw things over and laugh for joy! This is a man whose talent is palpable, and who I know will go far. He truly has that elusive "It." Hooray for nudges from the Universe.
I have found that I have been unable to really write about this play experience I'm having. The minutae just don't seem to be worth the explanation. In a broad sense, I am feeling very lost with my character right now and wonder how she will pull herself out of the fog by Saturday. Somehow they always do, though. One thing I know is that I need to do this work myself. On one hand I feel so gloriously alive and on the other so profoundly frustrated. I think I am at the point as an actor where I really need to be challenged in order for it to be worth it to me. Something happens to you after you've been a director. You suddenly begin seeing everything from a directorial/organizational perspective, and when someone in charge lacks these skills, it feels intolerable. I realize how important it is to approach one's art with care and excellence in mind.
It is hard to shake off a character like an almost-suicidal narcoleptic and go about with one's everyday life, which is what I've been doing, coming and going from work. Part of that person has taken up residence in you, and even when you're off acting supposedly Normal, she's still there in her corner, cradling her knife. I tend to feel her in my chest, heavy and sad, and I wonder what it does to an actor's body to give safe haven to these dark spirits.