Do you ever get Ditz Disease? Where all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, you act like a total idiot in front of strangers? Well, I came down with a case today at my audition for Assassins. It all started simply enough. I came into the room, and the director said hello, and how do I pronounce my name?
"Uhh, I'm not sure."
"You're not sure how to pronounce your own name?"
"Well, no, see...everyone pronounces it differently."
"Well, how do YOU pronounce it?"
"Umm, I guess Adri-ANA, (as opposed to AHNA), but that's very Americanized."
Then the music directer says, inscrutably, "Thank goodness we're not in Czechoslovakia."
Everybody laughs, and I'm really not sure why.
I went on from there. Right in the middle of singing, the piano player gives me this look like "What the hell are you singing?" so I stop, thinking I've sung the wrong words. He just looks at me. "Did I sing the wrong words?" "No," he says, "Go on." "Errr...ok." So then we get to a key change and he starts playing some random key that is too high! This is a belty number and suddenly I'm Ethel Merman singing "Someone Else's Story." What a mess.
So I finish. The director asks about my vocal range and the music director says, "she's definitely a mezzo soprano." To which I wanted to just snort. There are some pleasantries exchanged, in which I am actually GIGGLING and feeling sure I had forgotten my brain when I left the house this morning. Proof of this comes when I leave and realize I've left my purse in the room. I walk back in (without knocking, mind you) and they're conversing about me, probably about my doofusness. "I forgot my purse. Hee hee hee." They told me they were just about to start rummaging through it. Ah hahaha. Giggle giggle giggle. Shut door. GOOD GOD!
You must understand, I'm never like this. I don't...giggle...at auditions. I pride myself on my intelligent and graceful demeanor. If they call me back, it will be proof positive that A) I was being visited by the spirit (not dead yet) of Squeaky Fromme, and B) stupidity gets the job. I say this because the other time I acted like a complete fool was when I got my first Equity job at Goodspeed.